Should Women Make The First Move & Who Pays?

The night was February 22nd, it was the most glamorous event in the showbiz calendar, The Oscars, yet the spotlight fell on Boyhood actress Patricia Arquette's acceptance speech, which sparked a worldwide debate about equal pay for Women, where she called for the leading ladies of Hollywood to be paid the same as the leading men.

This got me thinking, if everyone is calling for equal pay and rights, shouldn't this count in the dating world as well? Why shouldn't Women make the first move by chatting up a guy, or even pay for the first date.

I teamed up with Ellie Banks to hear what the people of Covent Garden had to say on this matter...

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5 Reasons Why Living At Home Is Annoying

You’re in your twenties, the prime of your life, building your career, saving up to go travelling or to buy your first house, living for the weekend and dating every bit of trouser or skirt that tickles your fancy. However here is where the trouble starts because to afford this active social life, you are most probably still living at home with the family. It has it perks, I mean if your one of the lucky ones like me, you get cooked meals, laundry done for you and don’t have to pay too much rent but it also has its annoying side:

•  Freedom: Living at home means your parents want to know where you are and who you’re with. Gone are the days where you can stroll at half ten in the morning like you did at university and if your dating, telling them you are going to see your friend with benefits is a grey area.

• Sex: Everyone does it but doing it at home leaves a lot to be desired, hearing your parents at it is hard enough but having them hearing you would just be awkward. So everyone has to rein the moans and save the fifty shades enactments for the day you get a free house.

• Can’t Bring Anyone Home: Picture the scenario your on a night out you meet the girl or guy of your dreams and want to take it further, then reality hits you can’t, no one wants their parents knowing they indulge in one night stands. Even having a few friends over for a party, turns into every family member stomping down the stairs to tell you turn it down.

• Food: Having your mum asking what you want for dinner when you haven’t even had breakfast because you’re too hung over from the night before. Everything is so regimented, whose saying you are going to want sausage and mash like you did in the morning by the time the evening comes around, especially if your mate asks you to go nandos (chicken and haloumi cheese will always win)

• Cleaning the room: I don’t get why your parents need to nag you about cleaning, its your own room you will clean it your own time, ok usually I don’t get round to it because I’m too busy watching breaking bad season finale for the fifth time but still the moaning is not needed or wanted.

How Tinder Changed Every Single Persons Life

Nowadays if you are not on a dating app and your single, it provokes an alarming look and out pours of why, that is how socially accepted online dating has become, gone are the days where people had to pretend that they met in a bar (because realistically when do you ever find your wifey or hubby in a boozer)to cover up the fact they met on a dating website. The majority are open to the fact they are on these apps as it is an easy way to meet people, no longer do people have profiles without their pictures, 2015 online dating is all about uploading the best selfie. With the launch of a new dating app Fuzzy Banter (now with a name like this I most probably would tell my future kids that I met their mum at a bar) I thought it was time to review all the current matchmaking devices that are on the scene:

Tinder – The undisputed king of dating apps, it is the finger swiping service that lets you decide whether you like someone by their facebook profile pictures. The beauty of it is you only get to chat to some if they swipe right for you as well, it has been labelled as no strings attached app but it genuinely does cater for everyone’s needs whether that be one night stand, banter, dating, flings or potential relationships and if it gets too much you can always un match. I give it a solid 8/10, here is what some of the public had to say about it:

“Boy shopping at your finger tips, what’s not to love”    “The ultimate procrastination app”

Bumble – The spin off from Tinder and it really is just that, this matchmaking device gives girls the control, its a similar format of swiping left or right depending on who tickles your fancy but when you do get matched it is up to the girl to make the first move and they have to do it within 24 hours. It is almost like a dating game show (not quite up there with Take Me Out though), now for me I like the idea but I think a guy should make the first move, so this gets a 5/10. Here are a few quotes from the public:

“There are less creeps on this app and I like the fact girls are in the driving seat for once” “If tinder is the king of dating apps this is definitely the queen”

Happn- Have you ever walked past someone on the street and fell in lust, the answer is most likely yes, so Happn would be the app to download as it gives you the opportunity to match with people you encounter during your everyday life. Now this is kind of creepy but is good for that one person who might catch your eye that you can’t talk to, for this reason I give this a 6/10. Here is what the reaction was to this app:

“I don’t like the fact that someone really nearby knows you are on the app”  “It is really addictive”

Let’s see if Fuzzy Banter can compete in the crazy and cluttered world of online dating and knock Tinder off its perch!

Are Arranged Marriages The Way Forward?

My new article has been published with Live Mag UK which I am really excited about, it involves me writing about how arranged marriages were back in the day within Indian culture and how they have changed over time and might not be such a bad option.

Here I present ' Are Arranged Marriages The Way Forward?':

In many cultures arranged marriage is still widely practiced, for many it is just another form of matchmaking, Juggy explains why it may not be as bad as it seems.

Wherever you are in the world, it’s hard to meet people. The saying: “when it’s meant to be, it’ll happen” is probably the most frustrating because whilst it’s true, you do have to make yourself available and put yourself out there for something to happen, whether that’s going to a club, or getting an online dating profile.

 

There is another way to find that special someone, though; Matchmaking, which in the Indian world we call arranged marriage…

When my parents got together, arranged marriages were how it was done. Two families would meet and the individuals would chat and take a look at each other, then say yes or no. Most of the time, they would say yes. The pressure to settle down from the rest of the family was immense, and whether the couple were even allowed to date in the run to their nuptials was the families’ decision. Sometimes, the couples had no say at all. Blind date marriages saw the families agree to a wedding without the prospective bride and groom meeting until the wedding day.

These methods may seem extreme but it was normal to my parents’ generation. People believed marrying their son or daughter into another respected family of the same religion and caste would give them a prosperous life, while keeping the family name respectable. It can work. My parents only met once before they got married and have been together for 32 years, but plenty of old school marriages are tarred by unhappiness.

“Young Indian adults cannot openly date so once your parents know you are in a relationship, it is more or less a countdown until an engagement.”

For many couples, it’s about hard graft. They make the relationship work because they have no other option. They can’t just give up, divorce and find someone new. The harsh nature of arranged marriages in the past has given them negative connotations today. However, they have changed with time from a contract to an introduction.

Today, if you are unlucky in love, turning to your family could potentially be the way forward. As soon as the parents get the go ahead they will be on the phone to every aunt, uncle, grandma and distant friend to see if they know of any potential suitors. Then either photos are exchanged or numbers are swapped and the ball is in the potential couples court. Some old school families will arrange meetings straight away, which might seem extreme but can work.

There are still pressures, though. Young Indian adults cannot openly date so once your parents know you are in a relationship, it is more or less a countdown until an engagement.

And what if you – or they – say no? If you have dated for a while and ended on bad terms it could reflect badly on the people that made the introduction.

So what about the positives? If anyone is going to find you a good match it is the people that have raised you and know the ins and outs of your personality. You also get a background check on your future Mr or Mrs, including their family, career, financial situation and living arrangements; all important when you are going to spend the rest of your life with the person.

And does it really matter if you love them? I spoke to a friend recently who is in a long distance relationship and is finding it tough. Their parents do not know of the union yet and with this anticipation of revealing the truth and the stress of being so far away from each other, they stated: “life would be so much easier if love didn’t come into it.” It’s true. No broken hearts over lost first loves. No drama over unfaithfulness. No falling for the wrong person.

Of course, although even though life would be a lot less hassle if love was not involved, it wouldn’t be half as interesting and fun. That feeling of excitement of knowing you are getting involved with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and that pain of your first break up is needed for the roller coaster that is life.

For me having an arranged marriage is another option. It’s like a matchmaking and undercover detective service rolled into one, but only to those who are ready for marriage or at least see it in their near future.

Personally I am not ready. People take their time nowadays; gone are the days of getting married young. It is all about getting a career, having some money in the bank and enjoying life. Getting the partying and mistakes out the way, seeing the world and having stories and experience to share. Things my parents’ generation didn’t get the chance to do. Our generation is changing this. We’re learning from them what not to do and how to make the most of life and the opportunities that surround us.

Photos: Kam Dhiman Photography

Is London Overrated?

I am now officially living the London life, commuting in from the country side to the big smoke (or is it the city of lights). The commute is tiring but i strangely don't mind it, it is weird I have been after a job in central for so long, literally since I went to university their has been this taste to live this high life, I had this idea that it would be a place to network, meet people, have some wild nights out, find the girl of my dreams. Ok while I admit maybe I expected too much it has not lived up to my expectations yet, I have some good nights out, met some cool people that if I'm honest I probably would not have been friends with or interacted with had it not been for this job, so that is a plus point.

However still nothing has set my world a light, maybe it is down to money I mean does life revolve around money, yes it doesn't buy you happiness but it sure can help. I mean you step outside the door and you need more money for wherever you go even if you are going somewhere just to chill, you more then likely need petrol money to get their. So been thinking I need to do something extra on the side of my job to be able to afford a decent social life (I mean I have been harping on about not having a love life but tbh I don't think I could afford a girlfriend).

Or it really could be down to me not putting myself out their and going for the opportunities, life is what you make it after all I can't just sit around and expect stuff to happen. London is still a city where I can progress my career better then if I got a job in my hometown but it is overrated. There are certain buildings that give you a wow moment but for every nice place you turn the corner and it is let's just say not the most visually blessed street. The night life is good but expensive (I make the most of happy hour) and as for the people everyone just stick to their own, I suppose maybe because I commute I don't get experience real London as always have to get the last train home (the joys of commuting).

Sometimes Life Just Takes Over...

In life have you noticed how when you wish for something it all comes at once and never in small doses so you can take in every bit. Not that I am complaining as I was craving an adventure, some life events took place in the last six weeks that really opened my eyes to life.

Firstly I was best man at my cousins wedding - which means nearly two weeks of drinking, dancing to bhangra, family time, some unwanted bonding with distant relatives, getting dressed up and making sure the groom don't do a runner. It was really was an eventful couples of weeks and Indian Sikh weddings are always a real occasion, as amongst all the parties we have some really fun traditions and religious elements that make me proud to be Indian and Sikh. You feel a part of something and an event like that highlights how family and more so friends (as some family are just plain difficult) nowadays can really make your day.


The day after the wedding I started my new job (with a hangover may I add) and it is going steady but ok. It is a brilliant company and the magazine industry is a step in the right direction. I have been living London life a bit, dinners, drinks, events so the social side is good (it is a mission getting home though as I am one of them commuters that never gets a seat on the train - the joys of the underground). So the job has perks but sales is hard - I will keep plugging away till I get that dream job (which I am still figuring out what that would be :/ ).


Then my sister had a baby and wow like obviously I was happy who wouldn't be, I was a mamma (uncle) for the first time but when I saw my beautiful niece I just started crying (ok not crying more watery eyes) and out of my family I'm the least open with my feelings, so it was surprise. It is amazing how one little baby can captivate grown adults into silence, it really was a moment when life just stopped in appreciation.


Lastly I had another wedding to attend on the weekend and when your single and in your twenties you are in danger of being set up, as a wedding turns more into a matchmaking event but I didn't mind so much this time. Maybe because I am ready, not for marriage but just for that next step and I saw a few girls I thought ok yeah I would like to get know you. But here comes the problem, do I start the dating process through my parents and say yeah I liked the hot girl in the blue suit, it is a risky route that comes with pressure and probably an engagement by xmas (bear in mind you cannot chat to a girl at a wedding that is not related without someone clocking and I don't know her name so cant use social media) so if I want to get the know the girl it seems like the only way at the moment. Only time will tell if this will develop into an arranged marriage... but I am enjoying being busy for once, its what a twenty something should be doing, being busy making a life.

Got The Job... Oh Yeah!!!

Months (actually not even months years more like) it has been of me trying to get a job in London and finally I have managed to do it and with a good company and in a good location as well. It feels good to have kept at it and preserved but after trying for so long, the countless interviews, the money used to get to these interviews, I still only managed to get a job in sales. Now don't get me wrong I am good at sales and it could potentially earn me a lot of money... But a part of me feels like it is a bit of an anti climax.

You wait so long, put a lot of effort in, go through the crapy jobs before you are supposed to get the main job and still your not on the path you want to be. Maybe that is because I'm not 100% sure of what i want to get into ( I mean writing is the front runner but you can never be sure until you put it into practice). But also I'm only 24 so I should take this opportunity with both hands and run with it (I am on a roll with these inspirational quotes) I mean I am based in the heart of London where their are so many chances to network and progress (also a good social life as well, time to party and get that adventure).

I suppose I am still on that journey and search for the ultimate goal but I am certainly well on my way  ... Also my view from the roof top bar is definitely a unique selling point (sales jargon used right there) ;)